Craigslist showdown: Stranger Danger Edition

"Honeybunchesofgoats" (honeybunche0fgoats) 06/01/2016 at 13:13 • Filed to: WATCH CHILDREN, Sprinter, Chevy Van, Craigslist

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First, some music to set the mood.

First up, we have this !!!error: Indecipherable SUB-paragraph formatting!!! . It has 165k on the clock and comes with a V8 and new brakes and rotors, which is a necessity when driving a two-and-a-half ton van around children looking for a sugar fix.

Note dead Tweety Bird on the front bumper.

On the outside it looks like your average mild-mannered, middle aged ice cream trucks. Neighboring cars no doubt talk about how normal this truck seems.

But inside it hides a dark, twisted secret—It ran when parked, but it was parked next to a water main. A water main that would someday break.

Pictured: Your childhood dreams made manifest.

The seller, in a demonstration of humankind’s innate drive for self-preservation, admits that he hasn’t tried to start the truck. Will it start? He doesn’t say, but he does think that, at the very least, it will need a deep cleaning.

The truck is being sold for $1500, or a $1000 for just the fiberglass top, for you entrepreneurial types who would like to start a mobile dog grooming business. Inquiries should be made in person, between 3:30–7:00 (feeding time).

Next up we have this !!!error: Indecipherable SUB-paragraph formatting!!! . With 110k on the odometer, this is said to be powered by a straight 5 diesel engine that sends a herd of over 150 horses to the rear wheels at a remarkable 25mpg. All that power is backed up by an automatic transmission that can handle the gear changes while you’re in the back doling out scoops of ice cream.

Although this truck is being sold in Philadelphia, the photographs suggest that it’s actually a rare Bible Belt-spec Sprinter, with the optional emergency cross mounted at rear.

Additional options include remote power locks, ensuring your victims will not be able to escape your cunning ice cream truck trap.

I believe that the candies in the box to the left of the airheads are candy cigarettes, the preferred candy of Philadelphia children.

Added goodies include an aftermarket head-unit, three almost new freezers, a Coleman® 3000w power converter, an extra set of wheels with winter tires (Is it that there’s no market for ice cream in the winter , or is that no one has dared to dream ?) and possibly a crap ton of vintage candies mounted about the freezer.

All this is available for a cold $20,000. For an extra three grand, the seller will kick in a HUGE Nelson cold plate freezer.

So, Oppo, which truck do you choose? Before you answer, please keep in mind that whichever you choose, Chris Hanson will probably be waiting for you when you go to pick it up.